ficlet: Left In The Cold
title: Left In The Cold
characters/pairings: Remus/Sirius, James/Lily, Peter Pettigrew
summary: this is a remix of brownstudies's ficlet over here.
word count: 449
rating: PG
genre: angst/drama



He never expected any of this.

At ten years old, already tired and jaded, Remus thought he had his entire life planned out. Seven years of school, spent alone and studious. High scores that would amount to nothing more than a simple clerical job that he would commute to from his parents' home, because he would never find anyone to live with, and to live alone would be a bit too pathetic, even for him.

That was the life that he was meant to have.

It was never meant to be the reality of a flat shared in London with a shaggy-haired loon that he loved so fiercely it scared him sometimes. That reality was a life meant for those who were destined to be happy, to wake up to the smell of burnt eggs and the sounds of Sirius Black warbling along to Bob Dylan's The Times They Are a-Changin'.

He remembers the day they moved into this flat so clearly as if it was yesterday. James had compared it to the one that he'd gotten with Lily, and declared it far inferior. Lily had fussed with the curtains, claiming that just because they were men didn't mean that they had to live like dogs. Sirius couldn't resist making the obvious canine joke, and Remus had laughed far more than he should have, so enchanted was he by this life that they were starting together.

In the corner by the door, Peter had stood, eyes burning with a resentment that had left a sinking feeling in Remus's stomach.

Peter was the one who was left to live with his parents, Remus had realized with a start. Peter was the one who was left alone. They had been the Four Musketeers once, all for one, one for all. But now they were two and two, and one left in the cold.

I'm sorry, Remus wanted to say. This should have been you, he tried to say. The words never came, and when Sirius gave him that odd gentle smile that he reserved only for Remus, he pushed all of those words that he should have said to the back of his mind. What he had with Sirius was too perfect and fragile and beautiful to waste by worrying, and just this once, Remus decided to set his cynicism aside.

The moment had passed and when Remus turned back, Peter was cracking jokes with James now, and it was as if Remus had never seen that look in his eyes. He had squeezed Sirius's hand lightly and told himself that he was imagining things.

It wasn't until many years too late when Remus knew that he hadn't been imagining it at all.